The P&V Martini, or the “Penrose Triangle”

Stirred until very cold and strained into a very cold glass. Served with the best olive you can find in the bottom of the glass and topped with a twist of lemon. Discard the lemon.

No single drink is more difficult to master as a journeyman bartender than the Dry Martini, which is the most confusing of all the facets of this wonderful drink, though perhaps not as often called for as its descendent, the Dirty Martini. The confusion compounds the more one strives to find a straight-up answer. I asked every bartender I could during those early days trying desperately to find a solid solution or at the very least a pattern I could discern. Ten bartenders offered ten different answers. I was taught to wield the vermouth as if it were highly volatile, toxic. Some bartenders splashed a few drops into the glasses and swirled it around then dumped it out. Others never reached for it at all. Ive seen beautiful gins shaken and cheap vodka stirred with reverence. I was told a splash of Lillet would make it “French.” “Dry” meant with the tiniest amount of vermouth possible, I was told, “Extra dry” meant none at all. I was told to ask for a preference of Gin or Vodka, and to follow it with the ridiculous question of “up or on the rocks?” Olive or twist? Some patters I found in literature, others revealed themselves in the way people ordered their drinks during busy services at the various establishments where I have honed my skills. I ordered variations off of signature cocktail lists everywhere I traveled. I’ve ordered Dirties and Drys in all manner of joints from the jankiest dives to 5-star Hotels to modern cocktail bars of high repute, and never sent one back, though no two were the same. There were patters to observe, but no rule. What was missing, was a starting point. The answer to my prayers was the discovery of the 50/50 Martini. Equal portions of Gin and Dry vermouth tied together with a single dash of orange bitters, served up with a twist. This is one hell of a drink, and learning it reveals the truth behind all of the confusion that engulfed this beverage for decades. It provides the standard from which one can explore endless variation. If you get lost, you have a starting point to return to.

There is also something called a reverse Martini, ancient in origin, a precursor to the iconic “Dry” where the ratio is flipped to hold more parts vermouth than gin, offering a softer, less inebriating elixir. Taking lessons from all of the renditions I have enjoyed and attempting to combine all of their finer elements into something clean, refreshing, elegant and highly quaffable was the motivation behind the Penrose Triangle. It is a three-equal-parts martini, stirred with an olive and a twist and incorporates classically a dry gin and a dry vermouth but also and off-dry blanc vermouth. It is clean and smooth and fragrant and very easy to drink. I like the olive in the glass instead of on a pick because I’m using olives with pits and also I like that there’s a whisper of salinity during the drink punctuated by salty morsel waiting at the end.

Some rules of thumb regarding the drink in general for the young bartender are as follows:

Pay attention to how the drink is ordered and any details you can gather about the individual who ordered it. People will generally specify their spirit of choice. If nothing is specified I will use my own taste and my experience with similar orders from similar types of people to arrive at what I imagine they are intending to order. Most people will also specify whether they prefer a twist or an olive. All dry martini’s ordered at my bar will be made with gin and dry vermouth in a 2:1 ratio and served with an olive and a discarded twist unless specified. If a twist is specified I’ll position it on the rim of the glass instead of discard it and omit the olive. If a gin martini is ordered and not called for dry, I’ll make a 50/50 as described above. Extra dry I’ll rise the glass with vermouth. All of these will be stirred. All of these will be served straight-up in very cold glasses. Dirty I have learned to assume Vodka unless gin is specified. Gin dirty I will stir. Vodka dirty I will still build 2:1 but will the addition of half an ounce of strained olive brine. And I will shake it so hard and so long that the outside of the tin will begin to frost and stick to the skin of my hands. I’ll fine-strain with a very good hawthorn and have no need to double strain. Ice chips in salty vodka drinks won’t offend anyone. I put three olives on a pick in all my dirties because they are what its all about. Ordering dirty martinis and not eating your olives is rude and strange beyond comprehension.